The X Child is Born

“It’s tradition” are words that usually set my eyes rolling, so you can imagine the workout my peepers get during this holly jolly season. To me, Christmas traditions translate into REM-depriving tasks, just when the winter solstice is begging us to get some solid sack time. Over the years, I’ve perfected a few shortcuts that allow me the double luxury of celebrating and snoozing.

Instead of hauling a Christmas tree through the door and toting boxes of lights, tinsel and bulbs out of the attic (not to mention spending the rest of the winter sweeping up pine needles), I take a Christopher Radko ceramic tree from a closet shelf, place it on a plant stand in my living room, plug it in and, presto, “O Tannenbaum”! The half-dozen cookie varieties that used to turn my kitchen into a flour- and sugar-coated catastrophe have been pared down to one, three-ingredient, no-bake, sure-fire crowd pleaser. (Recipe follows for all you bleary-eyed Santa’s helpers out there.) I do spend a fair amount of time hanging lights outside my humble co-op, but that’s to prevent my fellow residents from shooting me a baleful, “bah humbug” look.

There is one tradition, though, that turns this iconoclast into a curmudgeon when not properly observed, and that’s shortening “Christmas” to “Xmas.” I’m not nutty enough to sport a “Keep Christ in Christmas” bumper sticker on my ride, but I believed the old school spelling upheld the spirit, integrity and intent of the day.

Notice the use of the past tense in that last sentence. Turns out that not only is “Christmas” fairly modern, but that “X” is more reverent than I, or others, thought.

You have to begin with the fact that “Jesus Christ” is not Jesus Christ’s name. (To quote my neighbor, “Ain’t that a bitch?”) “Jesus” is a transliteration from the Hebrew-Aramaic to Greek to Latin to English. Jesus’ full name was Yeshua ben Yoseph, translated in English to “Joshua son of Joseph.” (Mary was a Jewish mother, but even she didn’t have the chutzpah to name her son “Yeshua ben Yahweh.”) “Christ” is an honorific from the Greek, “Christos,” meaning “anointed one” and which, when written in its native language, reads Χριστός.

For at least the past 1,000 years, “Christ" and its compound words, including “Christmas," have been abbreviated using the initial “X" or “XP" in the original Greek. Examples can be found as far back as the “Anglo-Saxon Chronicle" from 1021, in many manuscripts from the 15th century and even in Eastern Orthodox icons of today. The labarum, or the Greek p with the x crossed through its stem, is used in the major Christian religions and is depicted in Paul Ruben’s 1622 painting, “The Labarum," pictured above.

All this historical context is never going to convince the diehard “Christmas-ers" to break out the WD-40 and remove those bumper stickers, but I’ve found a new holiday shortcut that will make writing out all my Christmas…er…Xmas cards even quicker.

And now, for that recipe…

12 ozs of chocolate chips (Semi-sweet or milk. Butterscotch works nicely, too. Your call.)

6 ozs of cocktail peanuts (Don’t try to get all heart healthy by using the lightly-salted or no salt varieties. Save the sacrificing for Lent.)

3 ozs of Chinese noodles (LaChoy or any other brand that looks like short strands of spaghetti.)

Line two small or one large cookie sheet with wax paper. Melt chips in microwave according to package directions. Stir in nuts and noodles until well-covered. Drop onto wax paper-lined sheets using a garden variety teaspoon. Put in fridge for one hour or until set. Place in tightly-covered, wax paper-lined tin. Store in fridge or a cool, dark place.

If you want to get all fancy, you can add a ¼ cup of dried fruit to the mix, such as raisins, cranberries or cherries.

Oddly enough, I don’t have a name for these tasty treats. My original recipe card has “Crunchy Chocolate Drops“ at the top, but that name’s never stuck. A friend thinks they look like nests, so “Noel Nests“ may not be a bad designation. Frankly, you can call them whatever the hell you want. Just make sure you call me after you’ve made a batch.

Merry Xmas one and all!