Friggin' With the Riggin'

I hate to admit it, but the first time I saw a newspaper headline about piracy off the Somali coast, I laughed hysterically.

“Pirates?” I thought. “Real pirates? With shiny cutlasses clenched in their teeth, gold hoops dangling from their earlobes, squawking parrots perched on their shoulders, roguish patches over one eye and puffy shirts on their backs? Wow!”

The accompanying photo made my visual image even more delightfully ridiculous. Not to denigrate the damage that’s been done to shipping in that part of the world, but “pirate” seems a rather grandiose term for what amounts to a rag-tag group of high-seas hooligans.

Well hell, why not? Why shouldn’t a band of two-bit thugs glorify their job title? Everyone else does.

Have you noticed how many architects there are these days? And I don’t mean in the Frank Lloyd Wright vein. Type the word “architect” into a job board and you’ll turn up all sorts of busy little builders – systems architects, application architects, senior solution architects, information architects, data warehouse architects, etc. Why don’t these folks just cop to it. They’re computer geeks! Intelligent, essential and, I’m sure in some cases, very attractive computer geeks, but geeks nonetheless. I can only imagine that the genius behind such masterpieces as Fallingwater must be rolling in his grave.

Ranking right up there with all the “architects” are the “specialists.” From account executives to payroll drones, all the way down to the guy who delivers the company mail, everyone is a “specialist.” Or, they’re a “consultant,” a buzzword that actually means, “I’ve been unemployed for a long time, with no prospects on the horizon, so I’ll style myself a ‘consultant,’ even though my only consultations have been with Dr. Phil and a bag of Cheeto’s.”

Lately, I’ve been having problems with my own job title (copywriter), which I think is perfectly self-explanatory but, when heard instead of read, leads some people to believe I’m in the legal profession (copyrighter). So I’ve been toying around with changing it and adding a bit of cachet while I’m at it. Something like “English Architect.” Or “Scribe Specialist.” How about “Language Consultant.”

Wait. I have it!

I’ll be a “Copy Buccaneer.”

Aye, matey! A Copy Buccaneer!

Now pass me the grog.